How I learned To Focus

shibori dyed silk using he shade colors

FOCUS

In 1998 a friend suggested I learn to dye fabric, then I could cover my books in silk. I enrolled at the University of Kentucky. Six weeks after starting classes my 26 year old son had a paralyzing accident.

When I first received the call from the emergency room nurse on September 11, 1998, I assumed she was telling me the worst so I wouldn’t be getting my hopes up. I listened as she stated Donnie's condition: collapsed lung, paralyzed, no brain damage. I knew he would pull through. And I knew I was strong and in control.

I marched through those steel gray emergency room doors as if to say: Come on Donnie we can handle this, let’s go on home. Of course we couldn’t—not with all those tubes and that paralysis. The first thing he said to me, the very first thing was, “I’m sorry.” That was before all the tubes were inserted and I’m sure neither one of us knew it would be weeks before any real conversation would take place and that I would learn to read lips and tell him things from some place inside me that could only be spoken then.

Several weeks later as he became stronger and only a few tubes remained in his arm and his throat and other hidden places under sheets that I could never see, we moved on to the mundane. Who will care for his dog while he’s in the hospital and can he live on his own, even if he is paralyzed? I didn’t even ask, can he? I simply assumed. 

"Should I quit school to take care of him," I asked myself. When I realized this was forever and we both had to learn to deal with it, I decided to stay in school and learned the most important lesson of my life: focus.

The only way I could manage classes and intensive care was going to be by picking one thing. I chose the Arashi Shibori technique for dyeing fabric. Not only did I make books, I began designing collections to wear at my performances. What I discovered was that when you wear art it changes your stance. No matter how you wear it, or fold it up in your lap, it is beautiful and has energy. 

ruana using old clothes in all the shades of shade.

Repurposed Tablecloth

Last night we watched “Out of Africa.” I’ve seen it before but could barely remember the story. I did remember the scenery, and that a woman has an affair with Robert Redford. 

Where did he get that smile? Larry has that smile and my sons have that smile. Such a smile can be seductive and soothing and can turn stern in a moment when challenged. 

In the movie there were frequent scenes sitting around a table covered with a white cloth. Karen says, “Aren’t you glad I brought my crystal and china.” A simple statement, yet so true. 

The tablecloth becomes a symbol of elegance. 

The spreading of the cloth. 

The creation of sacred space. 

Sharing of memories. 

The calming, sipping of wine, water, or tea. 

My mother always used a tablecloth for special dinners. She bought linen when we lived in Japan. She made some with tiny cross stitch. This was a teaching passed down without knowing a teaching passing was occurring.

When I went to Ireland, I couldn’t wait to buy a lace tablecloth, only to find out when I returned home and looked closely that it was made in China.

There was something unsettling

buying another culture’s culture

from another culture. 

As I search for my culture’s tablecloth, I find it is a blend of many. I find old lace tablecloths at the Salvation Army and hand dye them in the colors of my favorite palette. They become special and carefree. 

I place them on the picnic table in the park, subtly transforming the scene. In “Out of Africa'' they set a beautiful table next to the tents on their safari.

It’s not pretentious.

It’s a slowing down,

identifying the canvas,

placing the color and texture. 

Perhaps that’s what my repurposed polyester should become. Tablecloths. A transferring of trash into the elegance of a dinner table.

To slow down the anticipation,

concern,

worries.

Intensify the gathering together. 

Become the teaching with the story written down. 

Karen was a good storyteller. That’s how she captured Robert. That’s how he came to fall in love with her. He was a man of the moment and when she wanted more,

he withdrew,

only to discover

he loved her moments,

and stories and wanted more. 

Sustainable Fashion

Something has to change if we are to continue to enjoy the beauty of the life we have known. The clothes we wear, the houses we live in, the food we eat, something. We can start with what clothes our body day by asking who made it, what materials were used, is it old or new? When we repurpose the past, gathered with memories, it contains predictions of what is most desired. Each time an item crosses our path we must ask, where have you been, how can I enjoy you again?

Fashion is a means of self-expression. Sustainable fashion can turn a rip into a personal piece of art that becomes uniquely yours. Because we value sustainability, repurposing is an antidote to fast fashion. It is a different way of relating to our clothes and allows us to think more about what makes clothing meaningful. 

Fashion is not something others create that we aspire to duplicate for ourselves. Fashion is what we embrace. It is the first statement we make to the world each day when we choose what to wear.

Repurposing Mom's Clothe

My mom was rather flamboyant! I’d say, after I opened a box of her clothes that my sister, Bev, sent for me to use to create new repurposed fabric.