This heart-wrenching collection tells two parallel stories. The descent of a beloved adult daughter into heroin addiction and homelessness, and the mother’s journey toward a heroic self-discipline: keeping to herself the questions she’s burning to ask, refusing to impose her own opinions on her daughter. She treats her, even in her worst moments, with a radical respect.

The Sheath and the Protector

I follow her everywhere. 

If she says this will be good, I believe her. 

I have no expectations. 

She mingles among friends, old and new, having driven up the mountain to gather in a room filled with writers desiring find words, discover answers to questions. With age upon her, questions traverse her veins. So many. Hover in the crease of her arm, the back of her knee. You would think, she says, by now I wouldn’t have so many questions. You would think, she says, by now I would have answers.

If she says this will be good, 

I believe her. I have no expectations.

I follow her everywhere. 

In the movie last night she cried when the young man insisted viewing the open casket.  She never insisted. She never wanted to see his face. She wanted to remember the way she saw him last at dinner, the Tuesday before the Wednesday he made the decision. Death by suicide has a strategy. Don’t tell anyone ahead of time. Make a plan. Write a note. And then. . . and then . . .  That’s the part she can’t wrap her mind around. The part where it happens. The knife penetrates. Does it take courage? 

I believe her. I have no expectations.

If she says this will be good, 

I follow her everywhere. 

She drove out the country road to the artists’ gathering to stop the thought contained in her conflict of having no answers. She entered the cozy room filled with comforting voices and knew there would be no answers there. She would leave knowing no more than when she arrived. She would drive back down the mountain. 

If she says this will be good, 

I believe her. I have no expectations.

I follow her everywhere.

Died? There’s no negotiating with that small word. As though she could re-write the scene. That sentence. That 4 letter word. Devastating word, non-negotiable word. Packed with more power than yes. More power than no. Final.

My job was to protect her, wrap myself around her to keep her sadness from swallowing her so she will not be tempted. The day he was gone I followed her into his kitchen. Found the sheath to the knife on the kitchen floor. Picked it up and tossed it in the trash. I did not want her to see it.

Published in Yearling, a poetry journal from Workhorse, Volume 2, December 2023

What is the cost of not taking the fate of your book in

your own hands?

All your stories remain stuffed in journals, in boxes, or in folders on your computer.

You become discouraged waiting for acceptance letters from publishers.

You have nothing in a beautiful form to give someone who loves your writing and wants to read more.

While you know it’s important to write for yourself you start to wonder—what’s the point?

Your story is left untold and your book unpublished.

The knowledge you have gained through a life lived to its fullest is not available to those around you.

Your words of wisdom. Your stories filled with insights.

Your poetry that sustains life. Your photographs that contain vision.

All are left unseen.

Don’t you want to hold your beautiful book in your hand and know that you are published?

Don’t you want to see your story, your words, your wisdom come to being in a form that others can access and read?

Time is flying by!

Soon it might be too late to bring your book into the world.

It’s time to stop waiting to be published.

It’s time to stop waiting for someone else to decide to publish your work.

It’s time you take the fate of your beautiful book into your own hands.

The best way to do that is to take the indie path and publish your own book.

Why you should self-publish

Most traditional publishing houses choose to publish only the books they know they can sell to the masses.

If your book doesn’t have mainstream content, you would have to wait for an indefinite period of time to be chosen and vetted.

Self-publishing also allows you to be more involved in the design and promotion of your book.

You set the rules.

You choose how you want your book to look and how to reach your readers while staying true to yourself.

Self-Publishing does not, however, prevent you from getting published by an agency. 

• Brene’ Brown self-published her first book. 

• E. L. James originally self-published “Fifty Shades of Grey.” 

However, self-publishing isn’t easy

Yes, there is a steep learning curve, even if you use a service like Blurb and their template, or hire a publishing professional.

You still need to know the jargon to talk the same language. 

And it could be costly. You would have to spend considerable time and money to ensure the end result is to your liking. 

There is an easier way 

As an experienced artist-writer-publisher,

I will hold your hand while you self-publish. 

I understand the challenges in deciding where to start when publishing a body of work. 

I know that money and time are considerations.

My goal is to make the process as easy as possible.

When you work with me you will have an experienced and creative collaborator by your side who knows where you are coming from and understands the questions and concerns you may have.

You will have the freedom to shape and prepare your intellectual legacy your way.

You will not be controlled by a traditional publisher who wants to change your book to make it “saleable” to a mainstream market.

You are not waiting to be chosen.

I will demystify the process and assist you in creating your book.

I will be there to guide you and save you time and money.  

You will realize the experience of holding your published book in your hands.

My Process

Working together will be faster and easier than traditional or vanity press publishing. 

We will collaborate to create a meaningful printed book, a container for your words.

Select your theme, organize your writing and have it proofed. Then email it to me in a word document, 12 pt., 1.5 spacing.

I've already done the research about the best printing services for self-publishers so you don't have to.

Once you have your manuscript ready for print, you will have two printing options to choose from.

I will manage the entire process of design and printing for you.

Based on my book design and publishing experience over the years answering these three questions will allow us to clarify your unique publication path:

What am I writing about? 

Why am I writing this? 

Who wants to read what I have written?

Search through your poetry, essays, fiction or personal narratives, and find the common denominator.

Theme? Parenting, aging, lifestyle, career?

Time?  A particular period of time. A week. Month. Year. Teens. Young adult. Menopause. 

You can choose a 6x9 or 5x8 size for your book and decide if you want to add color or black and white photos.

You will have sovereignty to determine the price of your book and your marketing strategy. 

You can promote your book on your website, at personal events, in the Blurb bookstore or Amazon. You decide. You make it happen.

Be Distinctive

Your book will have professional quality.

Always perfect bound.

Print on demand allows you order as many books as you need. 

This is for you if. . .

• It’s important for you to share your writing, and you want to leave your legacy in the form of a book that will safely hold and spread your story, ideas, or art through generations.

• Time is of the essence. You want your book, chapbook, memoir or artist book published. Now!

• You already know you want to self-publish for you are done with waiting to be discovered and approved by an agent or publisher.

• You are ready to invest in this service and collaborate and communicate in a timely manner throughout the book creation process.

• You know that no one is going to promote you better than you.

• You know that problem you want to solve is to get your words in print and hold your beautiful book in your hands.

This is not good for you if. . .

• You do not really believe you have something to say and you don’t care whether anyone reads what you know.

• You’re book project is not urgent. It can wait. It’s just a hobby. 

• You want to be published traditionally and you’re ok with waiting to be discovered and chased by an agent or publishing house.

• You don’t have the time, desire or ability to organize your work and put it in a form to take it to print. 

• You’re not interested in collaborating with a guide who knows the book design and self-publishing process and doing the homework involved.

Your Investment to Get a Beautiful Book Published 

Option 1:

Your manuscript is ready to publish. You have it organized in a word document. If you have photos, you know where you want them located.

The cost for layout:

$600     24 pages 

$800     25-50 pages

$1200     51-75 pages

$2000    76-150 pages

$3500    151-300 pages

Option 2:

You need coaching in getting your body of work collected and organized. 

The fee is the same as above plus $100/hour for consulting.

These prices include 1 copy of the book to proof and three copies of the finished book. They do not include proof-reading or editing your book.

As a writer, you have done the work.

You have confronted, comforted and overcome the emotional pain that eventually settles upon us during a life lived to its fullest. You have turned those experiences into stories, poems and personal narratives.

Now that you want your writing published, let’s make it happen!

Both options include a 1-hour phone consultation to kickstart your book project as well as unlimited email support.

Email Lavernez@gmail.com for more information on how to get started.