Remembering Highlin'

Highlin’ watches me through the front door as I garden.

Letting go of my dear sweet dog

after 14 years of friendship

there is a sadness,

and a new life ahead of me. 

No waking in the middle of the night to let him out no listening to him snoring, keeping me awake 

and yet I look for Highlin’ when I come home 

look for him to greet me at the door, slowly 

as his slow walk holds him back.   

I look for his water dish to see if it needs filling

it is not there as he is not here.  

I look for him poking his head in the bathroom 

as I slide into my hot bath each night.    

I look for his pushing the bedroom door open checking to see that I am there 

even though he’s not quite ready to come to bed.  

These are frozen actions 

that leave my body as life left his 

a careful taking day by day moment by moment watching his effort getting up and down 

as I experience my own aging body 

getting up and down. 

Memories live in photographs

his dog collar and tags 

on the fence in the backyard.  

I shift to a different life 

after experiencing the silence 

of the many  unspoken conversations 

Highlin’ generated.  

This evening, I dive into discussions with Larry 

and wait for a Highlin’ to remind me 

don’t worry 

just be still 

stare out the window 

and wait by the water dish.