Seeking Connections

Seeking memories, wisdom, advice for nothing in particular, I turn to my artful journals and writing assignments. The ones that come through the phone, over the internet, from across the country and around the world. I seek connection through my words, reading their words. I long for a cup of coffee with them or gathering around an artist-journal-making table. 

Step one. Gather your story. Print business cards and write a mission statement. I was being cavalier when I said that to a friend. I had heard she was struggling and what I know now after my 76th year is that there is struggle everywhere. A fact I denied. I remember the man a man on the street from my past. I would’ve been a vibrant 30-year-old. I was a woman on a mission, a career mission, an independent woman. A mother from a far. Writing love letters to my children who lived in Texas with their dad. Sending them poetry and beautiful cards in the mail. Traveling on airplanes to visit. Or flying them on airplanes to visit me. Or taking them on road trips. Staying in hotels with swimming pools, eating at nice restaurants for dinner, or at roadside parks for lunch. Avocado sprinkled with tamari dipped with corn chips. My health food days had already begun.

I was an exposure to a different way. I never abandoned them. I was there full strength. In my mind, with love and connection. 

1991 Texas Kids

When I needed someone to talk to I called my mom in Texas. She was not worldly, highly educated or well read. But she knew things. She spoke carefully at the right moment when she knew her message would be heard. 

The man from my past said he read faces. I never heard of that. He looked at my face and said he saw sadness. I rejected the information. Smiling at the fact, coincidentally, that my first name was Dolores, mother of sorrows. It was as though my mother chose to call me Laverne  to deny me that sorrowful fact. 

I rejected the information the face reader passed on. My children and I were deeply connected. I was pursuing more than a dream. I had important work to do, and they too would one day have important work to do and must pursue it and therein lies the challenge of life to be imparted. The ability to determine and accept your and others important work will determine your happiness. 

That day when I was sad and called my mother and told her I had no one to talk to, she told me I could talk to anyone. A woman cleaning houses, washing floors, frying eggs in a restaurant, serving coffee. They will listen, she said, and have wisdom to share.